How to calm your toddler with massage

Mums and dads are increasingly becoming aware of the many benefits that massaging their baby has to offer. It is so lovely to see the smiles and giggles and gurgles from the babies, while mum or dad are giving them a massage, especially as they lay still (sometimes the older babies may test their new 'rolling' skills out!). However, when baby has grown up and is now an active toddler (roughly between the ages of one year and three years), parents may stop massaging their child all together or struggle to find ways to massage them as they are so active!

This is one of the reasons why I have written a book, to help inspire and encourage you as parents to continue to massage your child, or, if you are new to massage, you will find this book very easy to follow as it contains photos (of myself massaging my two children aged 10 years and 2 years at the time) and diagrams plus colourful illustrations to engage your children.

So, WHY massage your toddler? Especially if they are so active?

Is your toddler constantly on the go? Are they easily excitable or over-stimulated? Do they sometimes have trouble sleeping or seem anxious? Would you like to know how YOU are able to CALM them and RELAX them?

MASSAGE is the answer!!

Here is a photograph of myself massaging my 2 year old son (abdominal or 'tummy' massage). 

A wonderful massage oil to use is Sunflower or Sweet Almond oil (cold pressed, organic is preferred). To find out why mineral oil is NOT suitable I have written another blog post on this subject. Idibidi Kids now has a range of ORGANIC massage oils suitable for babies and children!

Here is a page "The Weather Massage" taken from the Idibidi Kids Guide to Children's Massage (eBook):

This is an example of a positive touch game, although not massage as such, is a positive way you can reconnect with your child, ideally at the end of the day. This is a lovely way you can interact with your child in a positive way. I encourage you to talk to your child about the different seasons, and what you see and feel in each season (educational at the same time).

The book is now available as a PDF file on CD for $14.95 AU.

Always remember to ask your child "would you like a massage"? As massage is a form of touch, you want to respect your child's answer. If they say 'no', maybe ask again later. It is important for your child to understand that it is OK to say no to massage. Enjoy the special time you have together; it is a lovely way to bond and keep connected with your child while they are an active toddler!

Children's Massage CD giveaway!

The Idibidi Kids Guide to Children's Massage: for parents and carers (2nd ed.), is now available on CD! RRP $14.95, also available online ($9.95). To celebrate the launch of the eBook on CD, Idibidi Kids is giving away a CD ! All you need to do is comment below in this Blog post in 20 words or less how old your kids/grand kids are and why you would like to win the Children's Massage CD. Note this giveaway closes Tuesday 6th December 2011.

Here's a little about the CD:

Does your child seem restless, over-stimulated or constantly on the go?

Do they have trouble sleeping, or feel anxious or stressed?

Are you look for a positive, nurturing activity you can do with your child?

Massage is the answer!

The Idibidi Kids Guide to Children's Massage, 2nd ed. is a unique and innovative eBook that will engage parents and children for hours. This eBook includes a section on rhymes, songs and other positive touch games that have been colorfully illustrated to encourage children to interact, as well as to stimulate their imaginations. Photographs and easy to follow instructions allow you to confidently massage your child and to help relieve many childhood ailments, such as chest congestion, tension headaches, sinus congestion and tummy troubles. Massage is very calming for kids of all ages!

Experienced certified infant massage instructor and  massage in schools instructor, Natalie Garmson, explains why massage and healthy touch is so important for children of all ages. She has met with many families, health professionals and organisations, and attended conferences and workshops, both in child development and infant mental health.

Further information about the eBook can be found at http://www.idibidikids.com.au/guide-children-massage.html

Massaging your child, especially before bedtime, will help calm your child's parasympathetic nervous system. Calming their nervous system will encourage a peaceful night's sleep, perfect for active little toddlers! A gentle massage, even on the shoulders, is a lovely way to reconnect with older children too.

Nightmares and Night Terrors... whats the difference?

During the course of a night's sleep, your child will go through different stages of sleep. Initially they will fall into a deep sleep, often referred to as NREM (non-rapid eye movement). NREM sleep consists of four stages. Stages one and two is where the body shifts from drowsiness into sleep, and in stages three and four, delta waves increase, signalling a deeper sleep (or slow wave sleep), where the body relaxes its muscles, lowers body temperature and decreases the rate of respiration. Also note that the growth hormone increases during NREM sleep. It is during NREM sleep your child may experience night terrors, usually one to two hours after falling asleep. If your child is experiencing night terrors, they may appear awake but they are not. They might start walking around and appear anxious or confused. If this happens with your child, it is recommended that you stay with your child but do not try to wake them. Instead guide them back to bed and stay with them until they appear calm and sleepy. In the morning they usually wont remember the night terror.

What you can do to help:

• talk to your child about any problems, issues or worries they may have

• keep a regular bedtime ritual

• make sure they don't go to bed too late (keep a reasonable bedtime)

• a massage whilst they are lying on their bed before sleep to calm their body and mind

• if the night terrors continue, seek advice from your G.P.

• avoid chocolate and sugary foods prior to bed

• use a night light if it helps to relax your child (on a dim setting)

Non REM and REM sleep occurs approximately every 90 minutes, in a cyclical pattern. As the night progresses, your child will spend less time in non REM (deep) sleep and more time in REM (active) sleep.

Nightmares, on the other hand, occur during rapid eye movement (REM) sleep. They are usually frightening dreams that your child will wake to. REM sleep accounts for approximately two hours sleep per night (or 25% of the time your child is asleep). Nightmares are quite common in young children. About one quarter of children have at least one nightmare every week. Talk to your child about any worries they may have. Sometimes for the younger children, getting them to draw their nightmare will help. It is important to remember that children experience stress too and that this may be impacting on their sleep. Follow the above points on what you can do to help your child if they experience a nightmare.

Has your child experienced a night terror or nightmare? What are some ways that you have helped your child?

References:

Australian Family magazine, winter 2011 "Night Nasties" by Gill Canning, p 10-12

Burton et al Psychology, 2nd ed. 2009. p 190-192

Rosenzweig et al Biological Psychology, 1996. p 502-504

Sharing Birth Stories

You may be wondering why I want to share my birthing stories. To be honest all three births (three boys!) were wonderful, but different in their own ways. To summarise in one sentence... yes I had three vaginal deliveries, yes they were all relatively short labours (seven hours, four hours and just under four hours for my third) and yes they were all without drugs or gas. Reflecting back on my birthing experiences spanning the past eleven years, I look back with fond memories of the birth's of my three sons.

But what if your birth experience was traumatic? Have you read other women's birth stories and thought 'why wasn't my birth experience as good as that'? or have your heard 'horror stories' that make you fear childbirth? As Dr Kathleen Kendall-Tackett quite rightly says "The birth of a child, especially a first child, represents a landmark event in the lives of all involved. For the mother particularly, childbirth exerts a profound physical, mental, emotional, and social effect. No other event involves pain, emotional stress, vulnerability, possible physical injury " (1). Dr Kendall-Tackett offers some great advice on what you can do if you have experienced a traumatic birth experience in her article "Making Peace with Your Birth Experience" (2). Given this powerful statement you wonder why 'debriefing', 'counseling' or 'sharing your birth experience' are not a standard part of postpartum care, or at least offered to women after childbirth (whether that be by the midwife, obstetrician, clinical psychologist one to one or in a group environment). Would the incidence of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Post Partum Depression (PPD), or anxiety related disorders decrease? (3). What about social support whilst you are pregnant? Studies have suggested that women who have had social support during pregnancy have gone on to have an 'easier childbirth'. Not only that but during the postpartum period as well (4).

To read more birth stories, I encourage you visit Dr Bronwyn Harman's blog http://drharmanmodernfamily.blogspot.com/2011/08/my-birthing-story.html?spref=fb

How you feel emotionally and mentally about your birth experience can have a direct impact on your relationships, including the relationship with your baby. Negative thoughts about your childbirth experience can affect the mother-infant bond. Activities such as participating in infant massage classes can help strengthen the bond between mother and child, in a nurturing and supportive environment.

So without further ado, here are my birth stories.... all three of them (grab yourself a cuppa!).

Master 'E' is eleven nearly twelve years old. I had just turned twenty four when he was born the following month. My pregnancy was wonderful, I enjoyed every minute of it. I had little morning sickness (a couple of days I recall), was fit and healthy. We went for many walks and I continued my mainly vegetarian diet but included fish for the omega 3 benefits for both me and my unborn baby. I kept a diary, something I did a little with Master 'D' during my second pregnancy but not so with my last pregnancy. I guess that had something to do with being too busy looking after the kids and running the household! Master E was a week past my E.D.D. (my due date) and feeling a little desperate to meet my baby, I consulted with a naturopath who prescribed Caulophyllum homeopathic tablets. To this day I will never know whether it was this or that I took castor oil mixed with orange juice to help get things happening (or maybe both!). After nearly passing out on the floor with diarrhoea, contractions started in the early hours. Then my waters broke, I remember it gushing out on to the cushions I was sitting on and it was all happening! My partner was passing me hot face clothes for my back whilst I was rolling around on the beanbag, trying to stay focused and in control. We drove to the Family Birth Centre (KEMH) around 7am. When we got there I promptly banged my fists on the reception counter declaring "Im here. Get me in the bath NOW!!" (or something to that effect. You could tell I was going through transition as the contractions were coming on fast and strong!). The midwife examined me and I was 7cm dilated. Wow, I thought, I had done most of the hard work at home! My birth plan included being in water as 'pain relief'; luckily no one was using the spa/bath at the time. During the later half of my pregnancy I had done a fair bit of reading about labour and what alternative therapies I could use for pain relief. Water was one of them (not that I was totally against using gas/pethidine or an epidural or even a Cesarean should it be required). Aromatherapy was also another option (via massage or in an essential oil burner). I had an aromtherapist, Rosemary, at the birth, as well as my partner and mother. Rosemary acted like a doula in a way; an extra support person which was fantastic. I had got to know Rosemary quite well as I received a monthly massage from her throughout the whole pregnancy. Ooh that was bliss, my hour of total relaxation! Combining regular massage with some pregnancy yoga and I felt that this was good preparation mentally (and somewhat physically) for the impending birth. Reflecting back, I do believe this helped me to focus throughout the seven hour labour. I even had my eyes closed for the majority of it, as this helped me to focus within and go with the flow (not to fight the pain). So, getting back to the final stages of labour, after I got out of the bath, I felt the urge to push. The midwife suggested sitting on the toilet as the angle was favourable for my baby to 'pop out'... and there he was, with a little bit of pushing, Master E was born! (Eleven years ago you were not permitted to have a water birth so I had to get out of the bath). The funny this is, that I cannot stand pain. Even paper cuts make me feel woozy. So it is truly amazing to think that for someone who feels faint with the sight of her own blood or paper cuts, I could go through seven hours of labour and deliver my baby boy.

Nearly eight years later and I was due to give birth to my second baby, another boy, except this time my circumstances were different. I did not have my partner beside me, throughout pregnancy or for the birth. My wonderful mother was with me again (thank goodness). So it was just mum and I. Master 'D' was born at a public hospital closer to me, purely for the fact that being by myself at the time I felt safer in the knowledge that should I require an ambulance, I was literally five minutes from the hospital. Second time round and this pregnancy was pretty much trouble free, except for a week or so of the dreaded morning sickness. I also had a bleed at around fifteen weeks, enough to have another scan to check that the baby was okay. At full term they offered me a 'sweep and stretch' which I declined. I was hoping labour would start by itself as with my first son. I lost the mucous plug/show at thirty nine weeks so I was thinking it would be any day now... well that was not to be! I knew things were starting to happen around my due date as I had been feeling very mild period-like pains. A close friend and I had been talking about how her waters had started to leak, and it was probably a good thing we had as that is what happened to me (although I did not know at the time). I called my parents to look after Master E who was asleep at the time. I said to my mum 'oh dont worry lets just go in for a check up' and I even told her to leave the hospital bag in the car! Well, the midwife did a quick test to determine if my waters had broken and yes, they had (to my surprise!). Holy... I thought, Im going to have my baby tonight!! After she broke my waters, about thirty minutes later my contractions started. This was the early hours of the morning. At one point I said I wanted an epidural but the nurse told me it was too late for that (thank goodness because I knew I could get through it, I just had to stay focused and in control). I believe that by not having a supportive partner by my side I was not relaxed as much as I wanted to be, as much as I love my mum its just not the same. It took about an hour to push my baby out and they did use the forceps, hence the cone head look when he was born! What I didnt like (I should have written a birth plan) was that they had me on my back pushing with my feet in stirrups. Totally against an active birth which is what I prefer (that is, standing, using gravity to assist, squatting and on all-fours) and I had a drip in my hand 'just in case'. But apart from that, there he was, another beautiful baby boy!

Fast forward nearly four years to the present and here I am, with Master 'B', the newest member of the family. Blake was born eleven days early in June 2011. My labour was just under four hours. He was also born at the Family Birth Centre, KEMH, even though I now live hundreds of kilometres away in the country! The saddest part of my labour with Blake is that my partner missed the birth by one hour. He was due to drive up four days after Blake was born, but because he came early it caught everyone by surprise (its roughly a six and a half hour drive to Perth). On the other hand, I got to experience a water birth, something I really wanted with Master E eleven years earlier. I was walking back to my bedroom at the house we were staying at in Perth when my waters broke, this time well and truly! Ethan was still awake but Darcy was in bed asleep. It was just after nine pm. I tried to keep calm but started shaking, knowing that my partner would probably not make it as I seem to have fairly quick labours (I phoned him straight away along with the midwife who was on call). I managed to stay in bed for nearly two hours, relaxing as much as possible, with a hot wheat bag. The contractions were like strong Braxton Hicks, nothing too painful, more annoying as I was trying to sleep. Just before midnight they started coming on quite strong, so my dad stayed at the house with the boys while mum drove me to the Birth Centre. It was a thirty minute drive, in this time I had had a few more contractions. We arrived sometime before one am. I had another quite powerful contraction while kneeling on all-fours on the door mat outside the Birth Centre! Now what a sight that would have been if you were driving past! The midwife arrived shortly after as there was no one roster on at the birth centre. Lucky for me the spa/bath was all mine! The midwife examined me and I was eight centimetres dilated. Once I was in the water, ooh it felt wonderful. The warmth of the water helped me to relax and focus. I remember thinking 'go with the flow', the analogy that a contraction is like a wave, it builds until it peaks then it subsides. Dont get me wrong, contractions ARE painful but the water helped take the edge off the pain. My mum was fantastic, giving me my drink so I could have little sips to keep hydrated, and providing a hand to squeeze tight. His head and shoulders were born under water, then I stood and the rest of his little body slid out. It was amazing. I sat down in the bath while the water drained and cuddled my little man. I did it.... again!

References

(1) http://www.bestthinking.com/articles/medicine/psychiatry_and_neurology/psychosomatic_medicine/the-psychological-impact-of-birth-experience-an-underreported-source-of-trauma-in-the-lives-of-women"

(2) http://www.infantrisk.com/content/making-peace-your-birth-experience

(3) Raphael, B., Preston Wilson, J. Psychological Debriefing: theory, practice and evidence. 2000, Cambridge University Press. p 272-276.

(4) Dewar, G. http://www.parentingscience.com/childbirth-trauma.html "The psychological effects of childbirth stress"

Remotely Happy "Happiness" Club and Identifying your strengths

Have you heard of a new field in psychology, called Positive Psychology? I currently participate in the Remotely Happy Happiness Club which involves meeting monthly on Skype with a group of like-minded people. Here we discuss the principles of positive psychology:

http://www.thehappinessinstitute.com/freeproducts/

(there is a free eBook you can download called "20 Simple Tips to be Happy Now" by Dr Tim Sharp).

During the first Skype meeting, we discussed:

Tip #20- Live in the present moment,

Tip #19 - Control what you can control,

Tip #7 - Identify where your strengths lie

Tim's book is very thought provoking. Tip #7 'Identify where your strengths lie' is something not everyone can express easily.

Can you name at least five strengths that you possess (without asking others first??).

Tips on how to define your strengths include taking time to reflect on who you are, your talents, abilities, passions. Think about situations you have been in that have challenged you (mentally or physically), and try to come up with a list of strengths yourself, without being influenced by others. Be open and honest with yourself and be mindful of your everyday actions (live in the present moment). This can be a very empowering exercise that builds your self-awareness and confidence!